Networking vs. Professional Friendships

“Networking is ______.”

How would you complete that sentence?

For many, networking is a career development activity that feels:

• Annoying
• Fake
• Scary
• Anxiety-inducing
• Transactional
• Tiresome (hello introverts in large social gatherings!)

All of these feelings and perspectives are valid.

Networking isn’t a skill most of us are taught growing up. You might have learned it by just winging it: showing up at a couple of events and trying not to flail around.

Maybe you’re one of those people for whom networking comes easily. Maybe it’s even fun!

I’m one of those people who actually enjoys networking. It’s how I broke into tech sales.

Here’s how I approach meeting new people in a professional context in the hopes that you can also feel more excited about doing so. But first…

Classical networking sucks

If you were taught that networking is where you go into a crowded room full of folks wearing suits and try to:

• Shake a million people’s hands
• Deliver your “elevator pitch” as often as you possible can
• Awkwardly ask to connect with people on LinkedIn regardless of how your conversation went
• Hand out as many business cards as you could stuff in your pockets, wallet or purse (though this is getting increasingly rare because of nifty personal QR code business cards link Blinq)…

…then it’s very possible you don’t enjoy networking. None of what’s listed above sounds remotely enjoyable to me at least.

Yes, a networking environment is a chance to sell yourself.

Yes, sometimes that environment can feel transactional.

Yes, some networking events do feature a lot of folks in suits.

But your approach to networking (including the environment you play in) doesn’t have to be this way.

Networking that doesn’t suck

Somewhere back in 2020, when a lot of us were so isolated we’d have almost wanted to sprint to a crappy mass networking event, an unusually bright idea came to my mind. It was the idea that:

Networking is not about amassing a collection of “single-serving contacts” but trying to cultivate long-term “professional friends.”

In other words, if you don’t want networking to feel transactional, don’t treat people you meet in transactional ways.

Even better: try meeting people you actually like. People you could see yourself becoming friends with one day.

(A professional friend of mine thought so highly of this idea – very kind of him! – he published an article partially based on this change in mindset.)

I’m not saying you have to be buddy-buddy with everyone you work with. But when you’re constantly building connections with people you like, admire, are curious about, and want to see succeed, networking becomes energizing.

The folks you encounter may not be able to give you anything more than kind words of support or ideas for solving a problem you’re facing. That’s totally fine.

To make this mindset shift work requires that you detach yourself from the outcomes of your conversations and simply enjoy the process of bringing awesome new people into your life.

Where can you bring awesome new folks into your life? Try:

• Coffee shops
• Zoom calls
• Hotel bars
• Dinner parties
• Festivals and sporting events
• Conference breakout sessions
• Crowded rooms filled with people in suits

The choice is yours, but doesn’t this sound a helluva lot more fun?